I Need to Feel the Holy Spirit Today.

I need to feel the Holy Spirit today.

I need something tangible to let me know He is alive and in my life.  I need to be overwhelmed by His presence in my life, today.

Yes, I can look back over my life and see where He has been at work; to see that He has had sway and influence over things and events and circumstances.  At least . . . I think I can.

But today, I am struggling with things I shouldn’t struggle with.  I doubt things I shouldn’t doubt.  I question things I shouldn’t need to question.  And I am tired of being in this place.

I have asked God to lead me.  I have asked God to help me.  I have asked God to show me.

There are areas I need him.  There are areas I know, I KNOW, where I can’t do this on my own.  I wonder what I’ve gotten myself, my wife, my family, into.  I wonder when this sin, this temptation, this pain, this frustration . . . and this waiting, will end; or at least become tolerable.

Today I feel alone. Apart. Separate.  On my own.  Left to deal with my choices, mistakes, faults and doubts.  Today I feel this overwhelming urge to take back the reins.  To take charge.  To take over.

Is this what God wants?  It seems so counter to everything I read in the Bible, yet seems so real, so necessary today.  Is it true?  Is it the world?  Is it the enemy?  Is it reality?

Is it time to move on? To end the grand experiment, this great adventure?  To come back to the real world with all its faults, all its frustrations, and live a life of hope and faith without tangible proof of the One who created us, cares for us, and is the great provider of all our needs.

I need to see that.

Yes, I know we all go through our times, and seasons.  Oh Holy Spirit of the living God, where is Your hope, and faith, and patience, and peace, and joy, and self-control.  And love.  To live in constant struggle, doubt, questioning, and frustration is not the way a follower of Christ is supposed to live . . . or so I’d thought.  Not in emptiness.  Not in doubt.  Not in fear.

God I need you today.

Still, I give you praise for who You are.  You are the Creator of all things.  I will praise you in this storm.

“You are worthy, O Lord our God, to receive glory and honor and power. For you created all things, and they exist because you created what you pleased.” (Rev. 4:11)

I am a creation of God.  He does not leave or forsake me.  In that I will rest my faith.

“You are among us, LORD, and we bear your name; do not forsake us!” (Jer. 14:9)

I need to feel the Holy Spirit today.

Lord Move Or Move Me
I can’t find the words to pray, I’m a little down today
Can You help me, Can You hold me?
I feel a million miles away, And I don’t know what to say
Can You hear me anyway?

What I need is for You to reach out Your hand
You have taught me no matter what You’d understand

Lord move in the way, that I’ve never seen before
Cause there’s a mountain in the way and a lock on the door
I’m drifting away, waves are crashing on the shore
So Lord move (move), or move me.

I’ve looked everywhere to find a simple peace of mind
But, I can’t find nothing on my own
So I gotta leave myself behind, take up this cross of mine
Give away everything I hold onto

Lord I know the only way is through this
But Lord, I know I need You to help me do this

Lord move in the way, that I’ve never seen before
Cause there’s a mountain in the way and a lock on the door
I’m drifting away, waves are crashing on the shore
So Lord move (move), or move me.
~song & lyrics by FFH

14 thoughts on “I Need to Feel the Holy Spirit Today.”

  1. I’m certainly not the Holy Spirit, but I’m here if you need anything. I’ve struggled with those same questions, and I’ve had days where I felt it just as viscerally as you do now. I can identify with what you’re going through, and I’m available if you need someone to email/talk to.

  2. Hi Kent, I used to go through the battle you described, it’s a tough battle and obviously rooted in some very deep issues in your life. The GFC really had me on the ropes a few years back, I had to cross a line to get myself on to solid ground – I had to stop asking and start believing. I had to stop asking God for help that was fully given to me already at the cross, I had to stare at the work of Christ day-in-day-out for months until it dawned on me – He can do no more for me than what He has already done – now it’s time for me to choose if I want to believe it. My life has been transformed, I don’t wonder and hope anymore, I have learned (am learning) to rest in the love of God expressed on the cross. cheers Graeme

    1. Thank you, Graeme. I would agree and add only that the choice you speak of is an ongoing, day-by-day sometimes hour-by-hour choice. Even looking into the darkness and isolation that one can sometimes find themselves in, to still be able to say, “I choose to believe. I choose to have faith, even though I neither see You nor hear You at the moment: Even now You are here.” The choice to believe is even (sometimes with difficulty) there.

      1. Hi Kent, I’m a faily rational person, always processing information and acting in response to it. I had to switch off this modus operandii, and see with the eyes of my heart, I try to pass everything through the mental image of Christ suspended on nails for me- it helps a lot. cheers G

          1. There are a few of us who have our wife peeking over our shoulder on our gravatar, it is so good to be in step with our spouse as we walk through these issues dont you think…

  3. Hi Kent, this is certainly a heartfelt post, and I feel for you. And I will pray for you.

    There seem to be two different ways to respond to feeling like this. (1) Micael Greenholm at Holy Spirit Activism would pray and ask God to show him more clearly, as you are doing. (2) I, on the other hand, would go back over my reasons for believing, and decide whether they were still true.

    Doubtless there are other ways to approach it. Different people need different approaches. I would guess most christians need (1), but CS Lewis suggested (2), so I guess that worked for him, as for me.

    I hope and pray you know the right approach for you.

    1. Thank you, Unkle. Always good to hear from you. Yes, there are times I find myself praying for clarity; yet I believe more strongly that my reasons for believing still hold true. What I find myself having to consciously do, at times, is make sure my motives for belief are true: True to myself and true to the Word of God. Even to this day, I occasionally find myself sliding into the “following God because he promises X” mindset. My belief is not based in “I follow God because he promises . . . “, I believe only that God honors his promises BECAUSE of our faith and belief. I believe God does promise to care for us, and to provide for our needs. I further believe however that we, as flawed human beings, have no idea what our “needs” are . . . especially in America. To be totally transparent here, I guess my fear in all this is having God take me to the point where I have to look UP to see what my needs are, before he will step in to shine the light on provision. That’s a little daunting and a part of what has been weighing on my lately.

  4. “I dim, I dim, I have no doubt
    if someone blew, I would go out.
    I did not-
    I must be brighter than I thought.”
    (Carol Lynn Pearson)
    Kent, you are stronger than you think—I will pray for you.

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