So . . . I’ve just gone back and read my very first blog post, dated 8/23/11, from my very first blog site, “Full Retail Christianity”.
I’m not impressed.
No, that’s not right. Actually, what I should say is that it’s exactly what I expected to see. And, what I saw was somewhat depressing. Not in the writing style or content, but more in the naïve ideology and where my writing has drifted today as from where it first started, and from its original intent. I’ll give you an example:
So I’m not looking to say, “See, this is how it’s done. You too can live a life overflowing with the fruits of the spirit AND work with the general public!” I honestly don’t know if this is how it’s done or not.
Yet that’s exactly what it seems as though I’ve been doing. I look back over several of my posts from the last couple of months and it looks like . . . preaching. Ugh! SO not my intent when I started this!
Here’s another one:
We’re all human. We’re all in this together. We’re all growing; in our own way and in our own direction. Some growing in this direction, some in that: Some growing into the light, some growing away.
But . . .
. . . We’re all growing.
And, this is my journey.
That’s exactly what this blog is NOT.
Now, don’t get me wrong. I’m not trying to keep an online journal here. But I felt, at the time, that I might have a story to tell: How does one reconcile one’s outward faith with one’s inward struggle to be an introverted “people person” within the confines of retail customer service? Well . . . one doesn’t apparently. I walked away in January of 2012.
Yet, I still feel exactly the same way as I did then:
I’ve been at this “living by faith” thing for a while but I get the feeling, mostly from that cynical little voice inside, that I’m a rather poor example of what one would consider a ”person of faith”; especially by others that would consider themselves “persons of faith”. Not necessarily one to be placed on the mantle and admired when speaking of those in the pantheon of righteousness . . . I’m what you would call human . . . Look, I’m not out to convert anybody. That’s not my job. That’s God’s job. And He’s quite good at it if we get out of his way and let him. No, my job is to be a shining spotlight on the One in whom my hope rests; a reflection of Him that would make people wonder just what it is that I’ve “got” and how do they get some. And right now that’s really, really hard! I don’t know if you’ve noticed this, but people can be frustrating!
Guess what? Over a year later . . . it’s STILL hard! I think the best thing I did was to rename my blog “Spiritual Drift” . . . ‘cuz I’m awfully good at drifting. After a year of this writing semi-consistently stuff I feel as though, when I started, my life was somewhat on track but my faith was drifting; now I feel that my faith has gotten on track but my life is adrift. And I’ve come to realize that I can be just as frustrating as the “people” I so self-righteously point up in the original post.
So . . . here I am: over a year and almost 150 posts later; the blind scout once again finding a path that will hopefully lead to the desired destination.
Where was it we were heading again??