I think I’ve learned the most about my relationship with God through being a parent. I get it now: God “the Father” is a literal term. I also think that if I’m one of God’s children, I must be about nine years old in His eyes. That’s the age my oldest son is and I can already see the parallels.
My son still asks for my advice, but doesn’t always take it; I’m becoming but one of many options available. I see him in certain circumstances where I wish he’d ask for my advice. There are times it seems where I could teach him something, maybe show him a better way or even prevent him from hurting himself or others, physically or emotionally. But he doesn’t always ask, and I don’t always intercede. I just bite my tongue and think to myself, “This could end badly.”
I’m not sure, but I just have this sense God feels the same way about me.
My son still seeks my approval or consent for things he’s done or things he’s thinking about doing. Yet those times are becoming fewer and farther between. Even when he does, there are times when I want to tell him, “You don’t need my permission here. You don’t need my direction. You know this stuff already, just do it!”
In the same way, I still ask for God’s approval. I find myself still asking for silly things like ‘signs’ that I’m on the right track or making the right decision. I don’t think there’s anything wrong in asking God’s agreement or in continually letting Him in on your plans. (He knows anyway but I think He just likes to be in on the conversation.) But in my own case, I believe God sometimes uses these opportunities to remain in silence. It’s His way of saying, “You don’t need my consent here. You don’t need my direction. You know this stuff already, just do it!”
Where the key is, is in the aftermath of those moments, after I’ve sat in the overpowering silence; cursing my stupidity, doubting myself, my faith and my relationship, wondering if God is truly there for me. That’s the time that I have to forcibly remind myself that I’ve asked God to lead in my life and I have to trust, within the silence, that He’s still there: That the stillness I hear is neither disapproval nor rejection.
I cried out with no reply
And I can’t feel You by my side
So I’ll hold tight to what I know
You’re here and I”m never alone
–“Never Alone” Barlow Girl
It’s God saying, “Do you trust me or not?”
My son, in many ways, is still a child. He’s still learning, exploring his boundaries, triumphing in his successes and licking his wounds in those “teachable moments”. I’m very proud of him and very worried about him; both because he’s my boy and because he’s just like me. Yet, within both the chaos and the silence I’m always there for him. I always have been and I always will be.
Again, I’m starting to have this sense God feels the same way about me.